It’s a Woot thing. What is Woot? Woot.com is a different kind of online shopping site. Every day they have just one thing for sale. It remains for sale until they sell out, or the until the day ends. The next day they have one different thing for sale. They have great deals, and wacky descriptions of the items, usually making sure to point out not only what a great deal it is, but also honestly pointing any weaknesses or shortcomings in the product. Every once and a while things get interesting when they have a Woot Off! On these special hallowed days they have offer many things, still one at a time until a preset quantity sells, before moving on to the next item. An item might be available for hours, or for only minutes. It inspires compulsive refreshing to catch new deals throughout the day (as their song goes, “giving me an F5 complex, refreshing just to see what comes next!”). There are even third party web sites dedicated to tracking Woot Offs and notifying you when new items appear (mywoot.net is my favorite). The highlight of the Woot Off is the “Bag of Crap” (referred to as BOC, bandolier of carrots, etc) which is a random item grab bag. For some reason this is the most popular of items and instantly causes their servers to overload as it appears. This is despite their adamant assertions that you really don’t want one (see below). It is a true miracle of modern marketing genius. Having shopped on Woot for several years now, and purchased several items during Woot Offs or otherwise, I have just for the first time today managed to secure my very own Bag of Crap! It may be a dime store trinket, it may be a valuable electronic item left over from a previous day, I just have to wait and see. I will announce its contents when it arrives. – See what I got: I Got Crap!

And it was written…..

If we allow you to give us your money, we shall grant you some sort of bag and some quantity of crap. We promise nothing more. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll be grateful for that.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:

I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).

II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.

III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.

IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.

V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.